Dear mavis i'm compelled to write this letter In the hope that you may soon be getting better I've a feeling you should go and see a doctor If you haven't then you know you really oughta I was worried so i went to see the vicar But before i could confess he first confessed to be a stripper Dear mavis it was very strange to see him So i thought i'd write and ask your opinion Should i gra** on him, report him to the cardinal Or wether i should egg him on to turn professional If i dob on him they'll call him plastic scouser But the only thing the stripper wears is plastic trousers Mavis' opinion is all we really seek Mavis' opinion is all we Should we lie while he's still alive Should we lie while he's still alive 'cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it Dear mavis thought i'd follow up my letter Drop a line about the fate of our poor vicar
Very tragically his time on earth is ended Found him gagged and bound in stockings and suspenders Dear mavis if you tell us what our thoughts are And i hope that they're not biased 'cos you are the vicar's daughter Mavis' opinion is all we really seek Mavis' opinion is all we Should we lie now that he has died Should we lie now that he has died 'cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it And we know him as our vicar And by night a part-time stripper And the vicar got suspended In his stockings and suspenders And he's making wine from water While he dresses like his daughter And we know that he's a rip off 'cos we've seen him with his kit off Should we lie now that he has died Should we lie now that he has died 'cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it, oh f**