"Uncle mac, will you read us a bedtime story?" No! You guys are like 28, move out of your mom's basement! I once knew a guy named Bareknuckle Chris 82 pounds, stood 4-foot-6 He sat up at the bar by himself every night With a mean attitude and a balled-up fist Now all around town everybody asked why He tried to start a fight with everyone that walked by But he was so small, that Bareknuckle Chris That he always had a broken nose and two black eyes People said that he was insecure inside Full of piss and vinegar and full of male pride But when the whole town found out about Chris Every night the bar was full with a line outside Some brought billy clubs, some brought pipes And everyone knew that he would never win a fight Bareknuckle Chris always threw the first punch But the person always chuckled and punched out his lights Now Ringside Ripley was 20 years old A second-rate boxer with gloves made of gold But he was getting tired of living in the shadows Of all the Bareknuckle Chris tales that were told So he went to the pub in a peaco*k coat And picked up Bareknuckle Chris by the throat He waited till the crowd cheered really really loud Then he punched him so hard that his whole face broke He held Chris up then he said "Stand clear! I'm Ringside Ripley, the champ of the year!" He slammed Chris down on a pinball machine Then he bought everybody in the crowd a cold beer Then they hobnobbed through the dark black night And Ripley told war stories all about his fights He spent every dollar that he had on the people at the pub Cause they made his self-esteem take flight
Well, Tank the bartender had a face made of stone He cut the drinks off and sent everybody home But everybody went over to Ringside Ripley's Cause he said he had flying monkey of his own When everyone was gone tank pulled out a cloth And washed all the barstools and tabletops off He saw Bareknuckle Chris laying unconscious And walked up and said "Time to go home, boy!" See Bareknuckle Chris came from a tall family His daddy drank whiskey and bourbon and brandy He had 2 brothers that were 8 foot tall So at a young age he had to learn how to brawl The whole family treated him like he was a disgrace They slapped him, punched him, and kicked him in the face Just like the drunks did every single night When they walked by Chris hoping he would start a fight See at a young age Chris learned very quickly How violent by nature that human beings are So even though he acted like the village idiot Bareknuckle Chris was the owner of that bar He didn't want friends, he just wanted revenge And every time someone came to kick his a** They acted like a bully but little did they know They were giving Bareknuckle Chris all their cash The moral of the story will catch you in a blink Why the hell do you care what other people think? Manipulate your own goddamn truth Package that sh** up and sell it to the world The moral of the story will catch you in a blink Why the hell do you care what other people think? Never tell somebody when you have the power Take their own weakness and sell it back to 'em