Being me is kind of neurosis
but sometimes I have fun between crises.
As a kid, I once identified a copperhead
by looking it straight in the eye.
It really did have vertical pupils
like a cat's. I yelled poisonous!
and the other girls and boys ran off.
In those days I wasn't very nearsighted
but I was very fond of cats.
Remembering my childhood
is like putting my hand down
the garbage disposal
and hoping no one will turn it on.
When I wasn't
spreading bu*terflies, I played
undertaker with my cousins:
first makeup, then the footlocker.
Live burial, I found, was not for me.
Instead of birding, I now watch Navy jets.
The F16's always fly in pairs
as if they were scared or mating.
Will Mitchell ever call?
It's been ten years...
I didn't like being lost in the middle
of the night on a Jersey highway.
On my way to the bed and breakfast
I took every wrong exit. I thought
I was going to have to start
a completely new life.
I have an excellent homing device
For error, its only natural-
dark energy controls most of the world
and pulls me I-don't-know-where
but not to dinner with Danny and Marge
I wish I could remember your name
the way I remember every mean thing
anyone's ever said to me.
Have you played Police Chase?
The one with the most felonies and damage
wins. When my client ordered
a fourth redirect of my direct-mail kit
for the Anti-Stress Handbook,
I said f** you! and quit the project.
Then I had the whole afternoon
to weed my garden.