When the world was made the chances were the same
Evidently something went wrong
I'm growin' worse and worse every day
Tryin' to figure oput where I belong
If my outlook on life you can't see
Just listen to some of the things that's happened to me
My insurance has elapsed and I'm threatened with the flu
I got serious landlord trouble 'cause he swears my rent is due
Why they don't send me my compensation cheque is a mystery
That couldn't happen to nobody else but me
Now I-I-I, I don't ever get in trouble messin' about with other folks' business
'Cause I'm always too busy tryin' to straighten out my own
That's why sometimes I si' down and start wonderin'
Why Old Man Bad Luck don't pick on somebody else and leave me alone
Now I-I-I was glad to be drafted 'cause I knew I could eat and sleep
But on my way to the induction centre I was run over by a jeep
And the army, er, they rejected me for physical disability, mm-mm
That couldn't happen to nobody else but me
You know, I was walkin' down the street and stumbled and, and fell on my head
Right away, all my friends sent for an ambulance 'cause they knew that I was dead
And do you know, thet tried to cremate me that same afternoon at three
Mm-mm! That couldn't happen to nobody else but me
I walked down the street and found a pocket book right in front of the First National Bank
I looked around and picked it up, put it in my pocket without stoppin' to think
They had me arrested for misappropriatin' funds and I was given from one to three
Mm-mm! That couldn't happen to nobody else but me
My wife k**ed a man, 'cause she swears he broke her heart
Naturally, they put her in jail and we drifted apart
But the jury acquitted her and she had me locked up for alimony
That couldn't happen to nobody but me