When I run into friends of mine I haven't seen in years
They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears
Then they pronounce me "looking great", I haven't changed a bit
I flash 'em back a feeble smile; I know I look like sh**
'Cos I saw myself this morning, phew, and I know of what I speak
I'm a human being, but I look like I reek
And a weaker bathroom lightbulb just might take care of it
'Cos the mirror shatters your illusions when you look like sh**
sh** comes in different colours, and consistencies
I guess that I'm just aging like the finest wines and cheeses
The guy that's me, who's in my dreams, is twenty-five or six
I'm old enough to be his dad, how's that for parlour tricks?
Life's a job you're fired from, unless of course you quit
Gee, I wonder if that old blind guy knows that he looks like sh**?
"Let's ask him!"
"'Scuse me? No, over here!"
Although I know it's natural, I still can't understand
Once I looked like a million bucks, now, more like two grand
We start out with a lot of time, but what happens to it?
Times flies when you f** around and then you look like sh**!
Oh, ain't it the truth, brothers and sisters?
sh** comes in different colours, and consistencies
"sh**'s a gift we make", Freud said, "Here, take mine won't you please?"
Growing old ain't easy, it's a process so they say
We proceed to our grand finales, every single day
But dying doesn't worry me, I'm not bothered a bit
I just don't like the thought of lying there looking like sh**!