It's a typical day in the universe
Another MC spits a puny verse
I try to get through my day without sayin? a curse
Because I curse too much and such and such
I try to improve my vocabulary
I try to cut out eatin? meat and dairy
I wanna bring back the days of the tooth fairy
'Cause I lost my innocence
I'm young and dumb and old and wise at the same time
'Cause I know Jesus was a rock star
And it was Elvis who turned water into wine
I wanna save a kangaroo from a life in a zoo
I wanna own a llama, I want less drama in my life
I think I really wanna be a happy housewife
I got 28 bu*ts in the ashtray
I gotta pace myself, I'm smokin? like a chimney
Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied
I know you wouldn't put it past me
I really know how to party, reminisce about the day
When I was swiggin? my Bacardi
28 bu*ts in the ashtray because it's just me
Keepin? myself company
I think back all the days I was smokin? carawhack
It was really kinda like an addiction, non fiction
Just readin? my days and nights away
I used to pray to a funny little fat man
'Til I found out he was Santa Clause
'Cause Saint Nick never brought sh**
And there I go cursin? again
I'm my only friend and I'm definitely my very worst enemy
It kinda triggers a memory, let's bring it back to 83
When I ate a watermelon, swallowed the seeds
Suddenly there was a watermelon growin? in my tummy
I skipped a jump rope, every time I jumped up
I heard a rattle that sounded like a tambourine
I got 28 bu*ts in the ashtray
I gotta pace myself, I'm smokin? like a chimney
Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied
I know you wouldn't put it past me
I really know how to party, reminisce about the day
When I was swiggin? my Bacardi
28 bu*ts in the ashtray 'cause it's just me
Keepin? myself company
Hey mama, are you proud of me?
I applied for a job at MickeyD's
I gotta do somethin? with my life
Because my idle time is eatin? me
Like I'm a super sized french fry
Drenched in ketchup, fryin? over patch up
But I know I taste better than that
Like they used to taste before they outlawed trans fat
I got 28 bu*ts in the ashtray
I gotta pace myself, I'm smokin? like a chimney
Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied
I know you wouldn't put it past me
I really know how to party, reminisce about the day
When I was swiggin? my Bacardi
28 bu*ts in the ashtray because it's just me
Keepin? myself company