I can break your heart with a work of art
And a song that's quiet and small
But we're back where we began it all: Radio City Music Hall
So tonight we might go bigger
That right, it's bigger
It's Broadway' greatest night, and we're rarin' to go
Let's make it bigger
Tonight it's bigger
Who will take home a Tony statue? We don't know!
I guarantee a truly legendary show
This season's new recruits include the cast of Kinky Boots
You see, they're beautiful and buff as Navy SEALs
And you could bounce a quarter off the a** of Billy Porter
Lord, he does eight shows a week in eight inch heels
Hats off to Berry Gordy, he runs Motown like a boss
He dominates Top 40 and he banged Diana Ross!
He wrote his own libretto which is really kinda ballin'
He took every Motown cla**ic and he said "Ah, put 'em all in."
Make it bigger
That's right, it's bigger
I just learned this dance like half an hour ago
We're going bigger
Like, so much bigger
You ever seen so many divas in a row?
Well stick with me, cause your emcee's a seasoned pro.
It's Pippin! Never slippin', always flippin'
As he's pinin' for his corner of the sky.
But the sky is over crowded with his oh-so-highly-touted cast of singing circus people flying by.
The cast of Bring It On had count 'em thirty two debuts.
Hey kids, welcome to Broadway, don't forget your union dues.
In tandem like we planned 'em
Forgive me if it's random
Mike Tyson had a one man show
Let's give the man a hand and make things bigger.
That's right it's bigger
I'm here with Iron Mike
He's heavy weight yo
Let's make it bigger
Tonight it's bigger
Hey we've got cheerleaders, contortionists, and so go find a sports bar change the channel to our show.
The famous Matildas stole the show
And nearly k**ed us so they got a special Tony of their own,
Which strikes at the achilles of the jaded former Billys
They win Tonys but get fired when they're grown
Now here's the kids from Christmas Story, Annie and her orphans
So many child actors high on Red Bull and endorphins.
They barely come up to your knees, but God, they're singing like MVPs
And they're the reason this whole season seems to look like Chuck. E. Cheese and jeez it's bigger
That's right it's bigger
Is there a Tony daycare where all of you go?
You're getting bigger
Tonight it's bigger
So do your parents set aside your Broadway dough?
When I played Doogie...never mind, on with the show
Oh! Broadway's where famous people go.
Though being famous doesn't mean that you will get a good review
So Alec, write Ben Brantley if you want "that's entertaining" too
We've got magic to do!
Bigger
That's right it's bigger
I'm walkin' down the aisle with some Newsies in tow
This show is bigger
Tonight it's bigger
If there's a Newsie you prefer, you let me know
You'll get a Newsie in your gift bag when you go!
"Can I have my Tom Hooper 'Les Miz' closeup please?
See, on Broadway we don't need extreme closeups to prove we're singing live.
We sing live eight shows a week. Check it!"
At the end of the day we are gathered together to honor the best and the brightest.
And tomorrow the fashion police will report on your dress and who wore it the tightest.
If you win, have the time of your life.
Tell your manager, dad, and your mom, "Thanks."
Say hi to your kids and your husband or wife.
Maybe just for the hell of it, Tom Hanks!
Nothing is bigger and better than seeing a veteran get an ovation or seeing a brilliant beginner freak out on a win for their first nomination.
There's a kid in the middle of nowhere sitting there, living for Tony performances singin' and flippin' along with the Pippins and Wickeds and Kinkys, Matildas and Mormonses.
So we might rea**ure that kid and do something to spur that kid
Cause I promise you all of us up here tonight
We were that kid and now we're bigger
Tonight it's bigger
So let's create the biggest spectacle we know!
Come see the super s**y Cinderella sisters celebrating
Ladies grab a fella, the tempo is accelerating
Newsies, Pippin, Motown, Phantom, Kinky, Rock of Ages, Chicago, Bring it On, A Christmas Story sharing stages.
Mamma Mia, Lion King, The Jersey Boys are tappin'
Kathie Lee's a Broadway lyricist so anything can happen.
Bigger!
New York is bigger!
So welcome to our bigger better bigger better
Best of Broadway Tony Show!