It's the time Last orders chime Closing time, Toll the bell, Don't panic, Last order bell, Before I roam I feel my mouth Begin to foam, It's not too late To get some tins Seal my fate, I need to quench my raging thirst There's plenty more cash in my purse I say bartender, re-open the bar straight away I believe a lock-in is order of the day, ANY ONE FOR LOCK-INS I don't see why Landlords got the buff Lock-ins are great I was perfectly chuffed I was perfectly chuffed, Why is be wielding that hat The one of the baseball variety This puts pay to my play The twist of my sobriety, Well that did nothing for my nerves What a terrible fright
I'll go and find a liquor store In the dead of the night Anyone for tinnies There's ducks in my mouth An alcoholic drought My nerves are in tatters Inebriation is all that matters, What is the problem with the world All I want is to have a drink Pour that brew right down my neck I don't ask much I don't think, So off we go, back to my place Open my fridge and peer within On comes the light, look round the lettuce My fridge is full, it's tinnies heaven, Grab a four pack and a few tins more On with the telly, slump on the floor The Hitman and Her I thankfully missed Who gives a sod, I'm totally pissed