The beer I had for breakfast was a bottle of Mad Dog
And my 20/20 vision was fifty percent off
You said punch-buggy red and punched me right in my left eye
I said "don't you mean pediddle?" and I lit his house on fire
He came home on acid I was holding his shotgun
I was dressed like Tina Turner in Beyond Thunderdome
He said don't shoot, I said I won't I love you you're my friend
I handed him my wig and shot myself in the head
Then I stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull
I got in my Mazda and I drove to the mall
I got a big Johnson shirt and some silicone tits
When I pulled out the tissues they were covered with sh**
And the beer I had for breakfast was a box of cheap white wine
And the boom box on my shoulder was a box of clementines
I ate every single one without noticing the mold
You said "you're gross my darling", I said "no I'm rock and roll"
Even though I'd never ever been in a band
I got cool as black ice tattooed on my hand
And the christians gave me comic books as if I would be scared
Of burning in hell well I was already there
And the beer I had for breakfast silver bullet in the brain
And the beer I had for lunch was a bottle of night train
And the beer I had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills
We had to sit down on skateboards just to make it down the hill
Then I peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar
And some old man made me watch him masturbate locked in his car
When I got back to the apartment you were face down on the floor
You said don't go to bed yet let's go get a 64
And the beer I had had for breakfast was a pint of Jim Beam
And a fifth of peach schnapps and some warm Sunny D
And you said bottoms up just as I bottomed out
I tried to scream f** you but blood was pouring out my mouth
Evan Dando never planned on telling you the truth
And your Leonardo ID card is your fountain of youth
You can be a teenager for your whole f**ing life
Just find some pretty s**er and make that b**h your wife
I guess by now you all know my friend Danny broke his neck
He was driving home from Sirens when he got into a wreck
First I cried for him and then I cried for me
Haunted by the ghost of the girl I used to be
But the rocks with holes are warm in my hands
And I buried my toes in the hot hot sand
And the silver pink pony kisses me and says
You've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy