Two nights in a row you see him and say to him
You heard his material and you think he's sensational
But you didn't know the moment he awoke from it
He was hoping that more than his fantasies and his notebook would notice it
He's angry, but knows there's nothing to be upset about
It was just a dream and now he has settle down
All he wants in life is to write his thoughts on the page
But as he grabs the pen he feels them all slip away
He's losing his mind, doing nothing new with his time
Hearing the same three songs, play the music, rewind
And play it again, until his memory memorizes it
Half studying and half mesmerized by it
Speeding over a bridge with a backseat full of kids
With the intention of never being seen again
And he's swear on his life you wouldn't care if he died
Taking his stereotype all the way to his burial site
I don't know if I'm OK
Because I feel this way
What can I do
Everything that bothers me
It makes me who I am
So I feel this way
Mentally I'm a wreck and waiting to bomb
If you ain't me you wouldn't know; you'd think I was paid to be calm
The blade isn't calm; it wants a slice of my heart
The blade's a pen, begging me to write love on her arms
[PLEASE, DON'T GO, NO!] I don't want these demons gone
I'm not afraid of em, I scream at em - bring it on
Been so tense, a nervous wreck, and getting so bent out of shape
Anxious, angry, and stating complaints as if I'm proud to say it
I must have went through change, I don't know how I get this way
I have a dream with her and I, and I get so upset I break
A mirror, lie to myself, make-believe my head is safe
Spend half the dream picking up the pieces and sleep the rest away
Girls upset me so I'm getting close to letting go
The overdose and I go steady, so a take a steady dose
The medicine is so pretty, she and I are pretty close
And if she breaks my heart I hope paramedics inject me slow “Stop asking me questions, I need my privacy”
It's not that I have secrets to hide – I'm just hiding me
I've experienced such a heightening in my anxieties
If you could read my mind you'd cry if you could see the kind of things
I fight about with fantasies, people, and society
It won't stop until the first night I take the mic and breathe
“This is John Wesley- let's see what he can do”
“John, you're on, you hear everyone out there? –they believe in you”
I've heavily considered ending everything
But I don't want to give victory to the enemy
To everyone from my past I'm sorry
There is no time to waste, life is a heartbeat
So consider yourself warned, I'm a liar
I hide inside the lowest depth of my empire
Give everything you have away
Will you suffer to better the lives of those who suffer everyday
I don't know if I'm OK
Because I feel this way
What can I do
Everything that bothers me
It makes me who I am
So I feel this way