The action takes place at Naples Enter Ercole, Romelio, and Jolenta. Romelio: O sister, come, the tailor must to work, To make your wedding clothes. Jolenta: The tomb-maker, To take measure of my coffin. Romelio: Tomb-maker? Look you, the King of Spain greets you. Gives her a paper Jolenta: What does this mean? Do you serve process on me? Romelio: Process? Come, You would be witty now. Jolenta: Why, what's this, I pray? Romelio: Infinite grace to you: it is a letter From his Catholic Majesty, for the commends Of this gentleman for your husband. Jolenta: In good season: I hope he will not have my allegiance stretch'd To the undoing of myself. Romelio: Undo yourself? He does proclaim him her - Jolenta: Not for a traitor, does he? Romelio: You are not mad? For one of the noblest gentlemen. Jolenta: Yet kings many times Know merely but men's outsides. Was this commendation Voluntary, think you? Romelio: Voluntary: what mean you by that? Jolenta: Why I do not think but he beg'd it of the King, And it may fortune to be out of's way: Some better suit, that would have stood his Lordship In far more stead. Letters of commendations; Why 'tis reported that they are grown stale, When places fall i'th' university. I pray you return his pa**: for to a widow That longs to be a courtier, this paper May do knight's service. Ercole: Mistake not excellent mistress, these commends Express, his Majesty of Spain has given me Both addition of honour, as you may perceive By my habit, and a place here to command O'er thirty galleys: this your brother shows, As wishing that you would be partner In my good fortune. Romelio: I pray come hither. Have I any interest in you? Jolenta: You are my brother Romelio: I would have you then use me with that respect You may still keep me so, and to be sway'd In this main business of life, which wants Greatest consideration, your marriage, By my direction. Here's a gentleman - Jolenta: Sir: I have often told you, I am so little my own to dispose that way, That I can never be his. Romelio: Come, too much light Makes you moo-eyed - are you in love with title? I will have a herald, whose continual practice Is all in pedigree, come a-wooing to you, Or an antiquary in old buskins. Ercole: Sir, you have done me the mainest wrong That e'er was off'red to a gentleman Of my breeding. Romelio: Why sir? Ercole: You have led me With a vain confidence, that I should marry Your sister, have proclaim'd it to my friends, Employ'd the greatest lawyers of our state To settle her a jointure; and the issue Is, that I must become ridiculous Both to my friends and enemies: I will leave you Till I call to you for a strict account Of your unmanly dealing. Romelio: Stay my Lord! Aside Do you long to have my throat cut? Good my Lord, Stay but a little, till I have remov'd This court-mist from her eyes, till I wake her From this dull sleep, wherein she'll dream herself To a deformed beggar. To Jolenta You would marry The great Lord Contarino. Enter Leonara Leonora: Contarino Were you talking of? He lost last night at dice Five thousand ducats; and when that was gone, Set at one throw a lordship, that twice trebled The former loss. Romelio: And that flew after. Leonora: And most carefully Carried the gentleman in his caroche To a lawyer's chaber, there most legally To put him in possession: was this wisdom? Romelio: O yes, their credit in the way of gaming Is the main thing they stand on; that must be paid, Though the brewer bawl for's money. And this lord Does she prefer i'th' way of marriage, Before our choice here, noble Ercole! Leonora: You'll be advis'd, I hope. Know for your sakes I married, that I might have children; And for your sakes, if you'll be rul'd by me, I will never marry again. Here's a gentleman Is noble, rich, well featur'd, but 'bove all, He loves you entirely; his intents are aim'd For an expedition 'gainst the Turk, Which makes the contract cannot be delayed. Jolenta: Contract? You must do this without my knowledge; Give me some potion to make me mad, And happily not knowing what I speak, I may then consent to't. Romelio: Come, you are mad already, And I shall never hear you speak good sense, Till you name him for husband. Ercole: Lady, I will do A manly office for you. I will leave you, To the freedom of your own soul; may it mothe whither Heaven and you please. Jolenta: Now you express yourself Most nobly. Romelio: Stay sir, what do you mean to do? Leonora: Kneels Hear me: if ever thou dost marry Contarino, All the misfortune that did ever dwell In a parent's curse, light on thee! Ercole: O rise lady, certainly heaven never Intended kneeling to this fearful purpose. Jolenta: Your imprecation has undone me for ever. Ercole: Give me your hand. Jolenta: No sir. Romelio: Giv't me then: He takes her hand O what rare workmanship have I seen this To finish with your needle, what excellent music Have these struck upon the viol! Now I'll teach A piece of art. Jolenta: Rather a damnable cunning, To have me go about to giv't away, Without consent of my soul. Romelio: Kiss her my lord. If crying had been regarded, maidenheads Had ne'er been lost; at least some apprearance of crying As an April shower i'th' sunshine. Leonora: She is yours. Romelio: Nay, continue your station, and deal you in dumb show; Kiss this doggedness out of her. Leonora: To be contracted In tears, is but fashionable. Romelio: Yet suppose That they were hearty - Leonora: Virgins must seem unwilling. Romelio: O what else? And you remember, we observe The like in greater ceremonies than these contracts: At the consecration of prelates, the ever use Twice to say nay, and take it. Jolenta: O brother! He seizes her hand and lays it in Ercole's Romelio: Keep your possession, you have the door by'th'ring, That's livery and seasin in England: But my lord, kiss that tear from her lip; You'll find the rose the sweeter for the dew. Jolenta: Bitter as gall. Romelio: Aye, aye, all you women, Although you be of never so low stature, Have gall in you most abundant; it exceeds Your brains by two ounces. I was saying somewhat: O, do but observe i'th' city, and you'll find The thrifties bargains that were ever made, What a deal of wrangling ere they could be brought To an upshot! Leonora: Great persons do not ever come together - Romelio: With revelling faces, nor is it necessary They should; the strangeness and unwillingness Wears the greater state, and gives occasion that
The people may buzz and talk of't, though the bells Be tongue-tied at the wedding. Leonora: And truly I have heard say, To be a little strange to one another, Will keep your longing fresh. Romelio: Aye, and make you beget More children when y'are married: some doctors Are of that opinion. You see, my lord, we are merry At the contract; your sport is to come hereafter. Ercole: I will leave you excellent lady, and withal Leave heart with you so entirely yours, That I protest, had I the least of hope To enjoy you, though I were to wait the time That scholars do in taking their degree In the noble arts, 'twere nothing. Howsoe'er, He parts from you, that will depart from life, To do you any service, and so humbly I take my leave. Jolenta: Sir, I will pray for you. Exit Ercole. Romelio: Why, that's well; 'twill make your prayer complete, To pray for your husband. Jolenta: Husband! Leonora: This is The happiest hour that I ever arriv'd at. Exit. Romelio: Husband, aye,husband! Come you peevish thing, Smile me a thank for the pains I have tane. Jolenta: I hate myself for being thus enforc'd; You may soon judge then what I think of you Which are the cause of it. Enter (Winifrid) the waiting woman. Romelio: You lady of the laundry, come hither. Winifrid: Sir? Romelio: Look as you love your life, you have an eye Upon your mistress: I do henceforth bar her All visitansts. I do hear there are bawds abroad, That bring cut-works, and mantoons, and convey letters To such young gentlewomen, and there are others That deal in corn-cutting, and fortune-telling: Let none of these come at her on your life, Nor Deuce-ace the wafer woman, that prigs abroad With musk melons, and malakatoons; Nor the Scotchwoman with the cittern, do you mark, Nor a dancer by any means, though he ride on's footcloth, Nor a hackney coachman, if he can speak French. Winifrid: Why Sir? Romelio: By no means: no more words; Nor the woman with marrow-bone puddings. I have heard Strange juggling tricks have been convey'd to a woman In a pudding. You are apprehensive? Winifrid: O good sir, I have travell'd. Romelio: When you had a ba*tard, you travell'd indeed: But, my precious chaperones, I trust thee the better for that; for I have heard There is no warier keeper of a park, To prevent stalkers, or your night-walkers, That such a man, as in his youth has been A most notorious deer-stealer. Winifrid: Very well sir, You may use me at your pleasure. Romelio: By no means, Winifrid, that were the way To make thee travel again. Come, be not angry, I do but jest; thou knowest, wit and a woman Are two very frail things, and so I leave you. Exit Winifrid: I could weep with you, but 'tis no matter, I can do that at any time; I have now A greater mind to rail a little. Plague of these Unsanctified matches: they make us loathe The most natural desire our grandame Eve ever left us. Force one to marry against their will! Why 'tis A more ungodly work than enclosing the commons. Jolenta: Prithee, peace. This is indeed an argument so common, I cannot think of matter new enogh To express it bad enough. Winifrid: Here's one, I hope Will put you out of't. Enter Contarino. Contarino: How now, sweet mistress? You have made sorrow look lovely of late, You have wept. Winifrid: She has done nothing else these three days. Had you stood behind the arras, to have heard her shed so much salt water as I have done, you would have thought she had been turn'd fountain. Contarino: I would fain know the cause can be worthy this Thy sorrow. Jolenta: Reach me the caskanet. I am studying, sir, To take an inventory of all that's mine. Contarino: What to do with it, lady? Jolenta: To make you a deed of gift. Contarino: That's done already. You are all mine. Winifrid: Yes, but the devil would fain put in for's share, In likeness of a separation. Jolenta: O sir, I am bewitch'd. Contarino: Ha? Jolenta: Most certain. I am forespoken, To be married to another: can you ever think That I shall ever thrive in't? Am I not then bewitch'd? All comfort I can teach myself is this: There is a time left for me to die nobly, When I cannot live so. Contarino: Give me in a word, to whom, or by whose means, Are you thus torn from me? Jolenta: By Lord Ercole, my mother, and my brother. Contarino: I'll make his bravery fitter far for a grave, Than for a wedding. Jolenta: So you will beget A far more dangerous and strange disease Out of the cure. You must love him again For my sake: for the noble Ercole Had such a true compa**ion of my sorrow. Hark in your ear, I'll show you his right worthy Demeanour to me. Winifrid: aside O you pretty ones! I have seen this lord many a time and oft Set her in's lap, and talk to her of love So feelingly, I do protest it has mede me Run out of my self to think on't. O sweet-breath'd monkey; how they grow together! Well, 'tis my opinion, he was no woman's friend That did invent a punishment for kissing. Contarino: If he bear himself so nobly, The manliest office I can do for him, Is to afford him my pity, since he's like To fail of so dear a purchase. For your mother, Your goodness quits her ill; for your brother, He that vows friendship to a man, and proves A traitor, deserves rather to be hang'd, Than he that counterfeits money. Yet for your sake I must sign his pardon too. Why do you tremble? Be safe, you are now free from him. Jolenta: O but sir, The intermission from a fit of an ague Is grievous; for indeed it doth prepare us To entertain torment next morning. Contarino: Why, he's gone to sea. Jolenta: But he may return too soon. Contarino: To avoid which, we will instantly be married. Winifrid: To avoid which, get you instantly to bed together, Do, and I think no civil lawyer for his fee Can give you better counsel. Jolenta: Fie upon thee, Prithee leave us. Exit Winifrid. Contarino: Be of comfort, sweet mistress. Jolenta: Upon one condition, we may have no quarrel About this Contarino: Upon my life, none. Jolenta: None, Upon your honour? Contarino: With whom? With Ercole? You have delivered him guiltless. With your brother? He's part of yourself. With your complemental mother? I use no fight with women. Tomorrow we'll Be married. Let those that would oppose this union, Grow ne'er so subtle, and entangle themselves In their own work like spiders, while we two Haste to our noble wishes, and presume The hindrance of it will breed more delight, As black copartaments shows gold more bright. Exit