[Verse 1]
Junior year, I transferred to a new high school
2010, I was listening to The Age of Adz
Left the old one because I received d**h threats
Got suspended for wanting to jump from the sixth floor
Feeling real lost feeling pretty lonely
With no new friends at all and teenage anxiety
I wanted to play music at Wednesday morning chapel
But Steve who was in charge said I couldn't sing at all
[Chorus 1]
Steve's a math teacher from Petoskey, Michigan
Every free period he'd teach me how to write songs and sing
Then I learned he was married to Sufjan's sister, Jamila
All my first songs were copies of Casmir Pulaski Day
After graduation I moved to West Michigan
The winters are long and it's been a tough transition
But I've made good friends who've kept me through
Like Jared and Meg and Johnson and Space Girl too
[Verse 2]
In March I took a flight to New York City
Stayed on Mark and Mara's couch in Harlem for a week
Met Marzuki, Sufjan's brother, and talked about our music
Listened to the sirens at night, the helicopter circling the building
The next week Sufjan played our college
Jamila had flown up from Hong Kong, specially
We met up and she invited me to sit down with the family
We watched their home videos on the cathedral screens
[Chorus 2]
The concert started in a swirling rush
People were crying and awed, like a soft apocalypse
When the mirror balls lit up for Blue Bucket of Gold
Saw my life flash before me, felt my blood getting cold
Sufjan used to drive from Hope College to here
And watch his heroes play this very room
Someday I'll be playing on this stage too
And the cycle will only continue
[Verse 3]
After the show I did load out and helped fill the truck
Ken Heffner's my friend and he's helped me out so much
While checking the CFAC for the last lighting cart
I saw Jamila and Sufjan walking towards us
[Chorus 3]
I said, Thanks for the near-d**h experience
And he laughed and said you're welcome James
Then Jamila took a photo with my camera
Then we hugged and said goodbye and left the parking lot
[Verse 4]
Two days later I played a full set at the Cave
Where Marzuki, Sufjan's old band in the nineties used to play
It went real well but I hated every minute of it
I was already depressed and it felt so disingenuous
After the show a friend asked me to stop playing a song
He said it was about his ex-girlfriend because they shared the same name
I told him that he was mistaken and that he had it wrong
But the incident left me shaken and I decided to scrap that song
[Chorus 4]
Spent the next few days walking the neighborhood
Seeing stores unchanged since the Nineties, fields where houses once stood
Felt real lonely and faceless, thought about throwing in the towel
Felt like a slow-motion panic attack, even waking up was hell
Then I saw Jessica from my time at Pine Rest
She was one of the only ones my age; she'd get sleep paralysis
While awake, screaming and crying unable to move her legs
We weren't allowed to hug in the ward but we still did
[Verse 5]
And there outside the froyo store on the other side of the walls
We hugged and smiled and something inside me began to thaw
Ran back home and lay in bed and held my guitar
Felt myself plunge into the indeterminate soup of the universe
[Chorus 5]
The cycle's got to continue on and on
When I'm dead what's left of me will be these songs
It's Tuesday night and I'm feeling pretty well
Steve's mastering, Johnson's mixing the new album
I sleep with the window breeze, I sleep on my side
Sometimes I wake on my back, and I'm paralyzed
And I listen to the blood buzz through my ears
And the birds up above, they gather and disappear