I'm on the Internet, posin' as a little girl
I'm tryin' to lure evil into my world
I tell them that I'm curious, and I'm only twelve
Mom and Dad are gone for the day, I'm by myself
Buckets of throw-up are next to my computer
Hopin' that they show up, 'cause what I'm about to do to 'em
Would make the Devil sick, I sharpen my blade
Frontin' to this perv like I'm only in the seventh grade
The doorbell rings, I gotta get 'em inside
In my best little-girl's voice, I'm like
"Hi, come on in! I'm putting on my bikini!"
And when the door shuts, that's when I let 'em see me
"Hi there."
I stab 'em in the neck first, 'cause it hurts
Hit 'em where the blood squirts
Carve his whole face off and make him eat it
Chain him up by the foot in the basement, bleeding
I'm probably gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said, it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I'm probably gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said, it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
Soon enough, Feds'll be shuttin' down my service
'Cause people out there think they don't deserve this
Until it's your kid an old man's finger-f**in'
Titty-s**in', then you'll want the knife stuck in
I don't blame ya, that's why I catch 'em in advance
While his dick is still in his pants, they never get the chance
I tell 'em I'm alone and I'm only thirteen
Lookin' for a good time, y'know what I mean?
Bring me some Funyuns and a Slurpee
Promise not to hurt me or give me herpes
And within twenty minutes, here comes a f**in' doctor
Knockin' on my door, a pedophile bu*t-knocker
"Come in! Have a seat!"
And then I stroll in
With the all-purpose hunting blade straight up his colon
I cut his hands off, he ain't touchin' nobody
Chain him up by the foot in the basement, bloody
"Wait, please, Mister Clown, sir! You don't have to do—"
"Zip it!"
"Wait, please! I got money! We—"
"Shut it, f**er!"
"Please! We can work this out—"
"Silence, I said!"
Stick him next to this other fool, both left for dead
Every time I walk by 'em, I punch 'em in the head
Cut they f**in' dicks off, stick 'em in each other's mouth
Now what ya'll talkin' about?
I'm probably gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said, it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I'm probably gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said, it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
"What's in the bag?"
"Funyuns and condoms."
"What's in the bag?"
"Funyuns and condoms."
"What's in the bag?"
"Funyuns and condoms."
"Why did you bring condoms?"
"I didn't mean to."
The house is getting funky
Bodies in the basement stinkin'
What the f** am I thinkin'?
I put my facepaint on, go downstairs
And beat they a** sometimes, 'cause it ease my mind
Some of them are dead and some are still livin'
But I'ma hurt 'em every chance that I'm given
I hit 'em with the nail gun or the stun gun
They can't run, so they both mad fun
I was sawin' the head off when I heard the doorbell
I'm not expectin' any predators, but oh well
I took my spot, "Come in, I'll be right there"
But I left a head sittin' on a living room chair
He seen it and ran, I had to give chase
We cut across the lawn with my knife swingin' for his face
I threw it and stuck him in the back of the neck
Still in my drawers, I dragged him home a bloody wreck
"AAAAH!" "Ssh!" "SOMEBODY! HEL—!"
"Zip it!"
"STOP! PLEA—!"
"Shut it the f** up!"
"AAARRH!"
"People are lookin'! Silence!"
A bus full of high-school kids watched it happen
He kept screamin' like a pansy despite my slappin'
Plus the neighbors seen it, and so did the mailman
But they all never said nothin' 'bout it again
I'm probably gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said, it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I'm probably gonna burn for this
Ain't no lesson to learn from this
There's nothing I'ma earn
But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
I said, it sure is fun (to catch a predator)
"Meanwhile, back at the house..."
"Hey! Come on in! What kind of alcohol did you bring?"
"I brought Absolut Citron, I brought Mandarin orange, I brought a shot of Jägermeister."
"Wow."
"In several cases, the men were asked to bring food, alcohol and condoms. Law enforcement says this helps show an intent to solicit a minor. What have we got here?"
"A bag of Funyuns."
"Funyuns? What about condoms? Did you bring condoms?"
"I did."
"You did?"