[EMPRESS MATILDA]
Here's the tale of me, Matilda
And my fight with cousin Stephen to succeed
Henry first's throne.
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
My wife's also called Matilda
[MATILDA OF BOULOGNE]
Quite confusing 'cause we choose to claim
Matilda's throne as our own.
[HENRY PLANTAGENET]
I'm Henry, that Matilda's son
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
You got that?
Here's the story of our spat.
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
Starts in 1135, when King Henry, my father, died
And I think you'll find named me, Matilda, as his heir
But his nephew, Stephen, said
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
"That crown should be upon my head!
I'm a man and men come first.
What? It's only fair."
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
Had married Geoffrey of Anjou,
Stuck in France, not Waterloo.
When Steve without a voulez vous,
Took throne from me
Should be dancing queen
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
Oh, stop causing such a scene!
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS & EMPRESS MATILDA]
Gimme, gimme crown and take a chance on me
I'm heir to the throne not you! Ah-ha!
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
Think you'll get it back,
Now that I'd like to see!
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
Oh, I do, I do, I do!
Fought in Lincoln
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
She caught me
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
Was proclaimed first English Lady.
[MATILDA OF BOULOGNE]
But she made many enemies.
Remember me? I'm Stephen's wife.
Made royal councilors agree
That she lacked femininity
Took Stephen's army and besieged her
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
Eugh! More strife!
I was trapped so faked my d**h!
Hid in coffin, held my breath
Escaped!
[MATILDA OF BOULOGNE]
You think that I'm impressed?
Well, I'm not.
Just look who I've got
Your half brother, want to swap?
Gimme, gimme hubby
[ALL]
And we'll fight again
The winner takes it all
Ah-ha!
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
In Oxford I'll besiege
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
And I'll escape and then,
[HENRY PLANTAGENET]
I'll join the battle call
Age 14, I fought but lost
So Uncle Stephen stayed as boss
Who should be ruler, mamma?
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
Mia!
[ALL]
Here we go again.
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
Sadly my darling Matilda,
Caught a fever and it k**ed her
I gave up my dream to build a royal dynasty.
When my son died
Had no heir which was a bind
[HENRY PLANTAGENET]
Gimme, gimme crown
'Cause next in line it's me.
[STEPHEN OF BLOIS]
You can have it when I'm done.
[ALL]
Ah-ha!
So Empress Matilda never did make queen.
[EMPRESS MATILDA]
The throne went to my son.
[HENRY PLANTAGENET]
Knowing Mum, knowing you.
Everybody happy? Good!