[Verse 1: Earl]
Welcome to my home, the place that I hate
The place that I love, the Planet of the Apes
The place that I loathe, the boy minus father
Equals boy minus heart, always testing mama
Mic sessions thrash, life lessons trashed
Nights get cold as the knife that I grab
Zoom to your wife room take her life with a stab
Sure her a** look nice, it'd look nicer in a bag
And slung over shoulder, village slum soldier
Bayonet bloods when my cup runneth over
With sith lord dark side of the force
In the trunk of a Porsche tryna bu*t f** Yoda
Shotgun, drop T, Earl flow shogun
Jabbing with a pen while you f*ggots getting toes done
Hold up, I was four going on grown up
So before you n***as tell me I'm nuts, you better grow some, f*ggot
[Hook]
f** this Christmas
f** this Christmas (n***a f** Santa Claus)
f** this Christmas
Ain't nothing for you (Ain't no gift for you)
[Verse 2: Tyler]
Crazy mothaf**as in the North Pole causing ruckus
And the punk nut-crackers couldn't cuff us, how I f** her
It was quiet how I stepped in, I crept in with my co*k out
Now she's having make-out sessions with my weapons
Drunk a fifth of eggnog, stole Santa's reindeer
Joy-rode the North Pole, steering is a b**h so
I hopped out and ask some Jasper elves for some info
Where I can burn some Christmas trees with large amounts of thick snow
I've been acting naughty problem child in attendance
John Ritter said he taught me how to mothaf** a Christmas
Dismissing all the wanting and the presents are forsaken
See if you're the gift from God then I'm the Christmas wrap from Satan
[Hook]
[Outro: Hodgy]
You, b**h you can't get nothing
No more, no more presents, no more cranberry sauce
b**h you can't get nothing no more
No more fleeces for your caprices and sh**
b**h give me my mothaf**in' presents back, ain't none for you
Alright for real, you gon' have to give me my f**ing presents back
Cause those are for my grandma, yeah that thong, that was for my grandma
Give me my presents back, give me my gifts