Oh I was walking round my local store
Searching for the ten pence off Lenor
When suddenly I bumped into this guy
On seeing who it was I gave a cry
"f**in' 'Ell, It's Fred Titmus!"
Oh Jane was pushing baby round the park
When all at once she saw her husband Mark
Well he was with a man down by the stream
So Jane and baby both began to scream
"f**in' 'Ell, It's Fred Titmus!"
Oh as the train pulled into platform three
I looked around for my best girl to see
As she disembarked but I didn't seem to care
'Cos someone pa**ed that made me stop and stare
Oh Dracula comes from Transylvania
Stevie nicks books about kleptomania
Johnny looked out of his bedroom window
And shouted to his mum "Fred Titmus!"