my thought process is an art form
and self-love is a mental state
I can only reach through severe confusion.
out of necessity I have diagnosed myself
with emotional attention deficit disorder
and to survive I have had to train myself
to feel anxiety in all situations,
making me unable to distinguish
feeling anxious from feeling normal.
‘what would my a** do,' I taught myself to think.
my a** would feel shy when being observed
and would say things like ‘calm down, sit down' then cry.
the word ‘sh**ty' often roams around
in my head, what gets me out of my head
is actively avoiding conversations with sh**ty people,
who have dissociated themselves from willpower
and are excuse-driven. I am willpower-driven
and mdma-driven also. I will address all my issues
in my head, which is invisible, then do mdma
and read the most emotional emails in my email inbox.