my thought process is an art form and self-love is a mental state I can only reach through severe confusion. out of necessity I have diagnosed myself with emotional attention deficit disorder and to survive I have had to train myself to feel anxiety in all situations, making me unable to distinguish feeling anxious from feeling normal. ‘what would my a** do,' I taught myself to think. my a** would feel shy when being observed
and would say things like ‘calm down, sit down' then cry. the word ‘sh**ty' often roams around in my head, what gets me out of my head is actively avoiding conversations with sh**ty people, who have dissociated themselves from willpower and are excuse-driven. I am willpower-driven and mdma-driven also. I will address all my issues in my head, which is invisible, then do mdma and read the most emotional emails in my email inbox.