Not so long ago, there was an evil vampire
He lived at the top of a shopping mall, and listened to a lot of bon iver
Chai tea latte's were his beverage of choice, with a dash of blood of course
He spent most of his evenings, driving his mom and dad's porche
He was capable of flight, and turning into a bat
But mostly worried if his pale a** looked fat
His coven is whack, they all look glam
You can see it clearly on their instagram
They're all smart a**es and curse the shacks name
They wear skinny jeans, how f**ing lame
He gives them all something, after they're bit
A grey cardigan, the mark of membership
Brosferatu! The terror in the night!
Brosferatu! Watch out for his bite!
Brosferatu! He's coming for your wang!
Brosferatu! He's after you again!
Brosferatu! Enemy of the Shack!
Brosferatu! Better guard your crack!
Then one day, a plot was hatched, to invade wormwood beach
They'd burn our shack, break our boards, and blast us with dub step beats
k** our zombies for good, pour out our beer
Pull steve out of his cave, and melt down his chair
Shave the weredude , send him to school
To be taught manners and forget how to drool
Tackle doctor chainsaw, Bruising his chin
Tear down the shredmill, for the recycle bin
Lock us in a compound, surrounded by a fence
And tell us how they helped to fund the breastilence
That's not all, it get's worse, not better
They'll require a uniform with a cardigan sweater
What a nightmare, we can't let this happen
We'll mount a defense and stomp their little a**es!
They're invading our beach, it's time to fight, let's kick some f**ing a**!
Rip off their gla**es and cardigans and stab them with some broken gla**!
Someone goes berserk mode! It's a f**ing cop?
It's Deltawing Officer Rathbun, busting shots non stop!
Out of the blue b**hes start to fly, it's our Aussie bro Alex Potts!
A brutal jiu jitsu master, he hacks and chokes and stomps!
Brosferatu himself! He's f**ing mad!
That little punk b**h even brought his mom and dad!
Dad points and yells "you boys better stop!"
Rathbun drew his gun, and blew his co*k off!
Brosferatu swooped down but was abruptly stopped
Potts had his a** in a crazy leg lock!
He almost had him dead, but he lost his hold
He died almost instantly his body turned cold!
Brosferatu! What an a**hole!
Brosferatu! Hipster scum!
Brosferatu! You dick!
Brosferatu! Bon Iver s**s!
Brosferatu! We should piss on his cardigan!
Brosferatu! We kicked your a**, God damn it!
Weredude howled! His aussie buddy's dead!
He went f**ing nuts, he started to shred
Rathbun wasn't watching, he didn't dodge
So he fell victim, to a flailing claw
His blood drained out, limp his body fell
Steve saw it happen, tears began to swell
He conjured voodoo spells, fire began to fall
Most of those b**hes ran back to the mall