Disclaimer: It's sereinik, and this is my charity work of the season. Spooky, spooky.
Here is 73 Questions with Michael Heal, previously Tyrant and now, colloquially, Tirant. Based off of the popular Vogue series 73 Questions, which I absolutely love, this is the surprise fourth of probably a long-running series - check out @sosad2112's 73 Questions here, @BasedGator's here, and @LanaDelReyquaza's here. They are probably more interesting than Tirant, but read ahead, my lovelies.
SEREINIK: Hey, Tirant! I'm here from Genius, and I'm about to ask you 73 questions. Don't be too miffed, and just feel me out for this one.
To start off: what were you most excited to experience when you were here in America?
MICHAEL HEAL: Seeing everyone at the Genius office, Yankee stadium, Brooklyn, and WILMA JEAN (s/o @ehmorris).
SRK: Favorite book genre?
MH: Fantasy/Adventure
SRK: Favorite Genius forum?
MH: Music
SRK: What color are your eyes? By the way, Tirant, you have beautiful eyes.
MH: Blue, hint of green
SRK: Thoughts on facial hair?
MH: Stubble
SRK: Do you believe in reincarnation? Because I saw your soul flashing and dancing on the horizon in shades of jade and emerald.
MH: No, but I believe in the universe. Not that there's necessarily a higher power, but the choices you make and your actions are like ripples in a pond. TIL, the world is one big pond.
SRK: On a scale of one to Eeyore, how tired are you?
MH: Eeyore AF. SRK: Vending machine snack you secretly love?
MH: Snickers.
SRK: Cycle me through the major hairstyles you've gone through throughout your life.
MH: Bowl cut, spiked, mop, natural pushed back (2010-present)
SRK: Favorite style of dance?
MH: Kanye
SRK: Best natively Australian animal?
MH: Kangaroo. I like the cla**ics.
SRK: Why is your accent so goddamn beautiful?
MH: My parents are British so my Australian accent isn't as harsh/pronounced as your typical Australian accent.
SRK: Do you consider yourself technologically up to par?
MH: Yes.
SRK: A phrase that strikes fear into your heart?
MH: Tirant.
SRK: If I came to visit you in Sydney, what would we do?
MH: Go to Watson's Bay for the day and eat fish & chips and gelato on the beach. SRK: Any idea why you were named Michael?
MH: After Saint Michael the archangel.
SRK: Favorite alcoholic drink?
MH: Augustiner Bräu Lagerbier Hell, Gulden Draak 9000 Quadruple, Belgian Trappist & Abbey Beers, and Hendrick's Gin with a hint of cucumber.
SRK: Favorite cookie flavor?
MH: Chocolate chip.
SRK: Now do you really like Vegemite?
MH: I did when I was 12. I'm 25 now.
SRK: If you could choose one person to narrate your life, who would it be?
MH: Me.
SRK: An enticing question from a major fan of yours: YEAHTIM or Kanye?
MH: M'Balls
SRK: Tell me about your relationship with modesty.
MH: Rocky at the best of times.
SRK: Cause you would protest for?
MH: Freedom. Me too, Tirant.
SRK: First words that comes to mind regarding LEMON?
MH: WORSE IS BETTER
SRK: Most commonly used emoji?
MH: I think it's called the joy emoji (the one with the tears but they're crying with laughter).
SRK: What does home look like to you?
MH: Airports.
SRK: How do you like them apples?
MH: Granny Smith.
SRK: Favorite movie director?
MH: Probably Tarantino. I don't subscribe to movie directors much, but I enjoy a lot of his films.
SRK: Describe your best mate with just two words.
MH: Bloody ripper.
SRK: Are you still salty about your period of not being a regulator when your peers all were?
MH: https://genius.com/Kanye-west-see-me-now-lyrics
SRK: Saddest forum thread?
MH: https://genius.com/discussions/215455-Some-words-from-scopey-please-read
SRK: Most affecting celebrity d**h?
MH: None yet, but when Kanye dies I will never truly recover.
SRK: How many countries have you visited over the course of your lifetime?
MH: Australia, New Zealand, England, France, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, Czech Republic, Germany, The Netherlands, Greece, Spain, Portugal, United States of America, Scotland. Tirant's welcome at many doors, but certainly not mine.
SRK: What do you think is out there in deep space?
MH: Aliens.
SRK: Where can we find you typically at parties and in what state?
MH: Dancefloor, drunk.
SRK: Shorts or slacks?
MH: Shorts.
SRK: Spill the tea about a fellow Genius staff member.
MH: @streetlights' alter ego is a world famous DJ.
SRK: Talk Congress to me baby, and comment on the state of Australian politics in six words or less.
MH: f**ed.
SRK: Showers or baths?
MH: Showers.
SRK: Beauty product you couldn't live without?
MH: Aesop shampoo.
SRK: Any advice for people just getting into rap music?
MH: Listen to GZA's Liquid Swords.
SRK: Phone calls and text messaging?
MH: Calls.
SRK: Favorite pair of shoes?
MH: A.P.C Suede Boots.
SRK: Most surprising thing about New York City is?
MH: Everyone has a dog. You all live in apartments. I don't understand. Okay, true.
SRK: Who tended to cook at home when you were little?
MH: Mum.
SRK: Do you consider yourself a good singer?
MH: No.
SRK: Typical Sunday morning?
MH: Hungover, Netflix.
SRK: Least favorite piece of housework to complete?
MH: Cleaning the bathroom.
SRK: Where do you discover the most of new artists that you like? (SoundCloud, Spotify, Genius, etc.)
MH: Blogs.
SRK: Spots or stripes?
MH: SPOTS.
SRK: Best friend in primary school?
MH: Johno.
SRK: First letter of the name of your first kiss (besides your mum and relatives)?
MH: S.
Goddammit, Sophia.
SRK: Overrated artist(s)?
MH: Lil Yachty.
SRK: Colour of your favorite tie?
MH: Black.
SRK: Video that always makes you laugh?
MH: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD7dgE-3IzY
SRK: Last person you texted?
MH: Murphy.
SRK: Any allergies?
MH: Cats, sometimes.
SRK: Best Australian state?
MH: New South Wales.
SRK: Historical figure you want to have lunch with?
MH: I like who's here now—Obama, West, Musk, Snowden.
SRK: Worst date you've been on?
MH: All of them. I'm the worst.
SRK: Predict the next Genius meme.
MH: More Life is trash.
SRK: Go to method of transportation?
MH: Plane. I like trains too. How I feel about Tirant. A very inefficient plane pattern that may result in a high quantity of nausea.
SRK: What's cooler than being cool?
MH: https://genius.com/Foreigner-cold-as-ice-lyrics
SRK: Are we human or are we dancer?
MH: Is Dancer a reindeer?
SRK: Do you listen to the radio often?
MH: Never.
SRK: Song of the year thus far is?
MH: "Ultra Light Beam."
SRK: Favorite producers?
MH: Kanye West, The Neptunes, RZA.
SRK: Your thoughts on romance?
MH: Is it real?
SRK: Last thing you do before you sleep?
MH: Check my phone.
SRK: But seriously. Who let the dogs out?
MH: ScopeY.
SRK: How often do you talk to your mother?
MH: Everyday.
SRK: Veggie or Crumble?
MH: Crumble.
SRK: Thank you for letting me finish up the last remaining volunteer hours I need to acquire to get cords. One last question, love: How do you feel about copious precipitation over a large body of water?
MH: Wet I love Tirant. A lot. Not everyone can be iconic. Put that on the barbie and see how it goes. This is sereinik, signing off.