HIGGINS:
Well after all, Pickering,
I'm an ordinary man,
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance,
to live exactly as he likes
and do precisely what he wants
An average man am I
of no eccentric whim,
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
doing whatever he thinks is best for him,
Well just an ordinary man
But...
Let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through,
she'll redecorate your home,
from the cellar to the dome,
and then go on to the enthralling
fun of overhauling you
Let a woman in your life,
and you're up against a wall,
make a plan and you will find,
that she has something else in mind,
and so rather than do either
you do something else
that neither likes at all
You want to talk of Keats and Milton,
she only wants to talk of love
You go to see a play or ballet,
and spend it searching for her glove
Let a woman in your life
and you invite eternal strife,
Let them buy their wedding bands
for those anxious little hands
I'd be equally as willing
for a dentist to be drilling
than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a very gentle man,
even tempered and good natured
who you never hear complain,
Who has the milk of human kindness
by the quart in every vein,
A patient man am I
down to my fingertips
the sort who never could, ever would,
let an insulting remark escape his lips
A very gentle man
But...
Let a woman in your life,
and patience hasn't got a chance,
she will beg you for advice,
your reply will be concise,
and she will listen very nicely,
and then go out and do precisely what she wants!
You are a man of grace and polish,
who never spoke above a hush,
all at once you're using language that would make
a sailor blush!
Let a woman in your life,
and you're plunging in a knife,
Let the others of my s**
tie the knot around their necks,
I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a quiet living man,
who prefers to spend the evening
in the silence of his room,
who likes an atmosphere as restful as
an undiscovered tomb,
A pensive man am I
of philosophic joys,
who likes to meditate, contemplate,
far from humanity's mad inhuman noise,
A quiet living man
But...
Let a woman in your life
and your sabbatical is through,
in a line that never ends
comes an army of her friends,
come to jabber and to chatter
and to tell her what the matter is with YOU
She'll have a booming boisterous family
who will descend on you en ma**e
She'll have a large Wagnerian mother
with a voice that shatters gla**
Let a woman in your life
Let a woman in your life
Let a woman in your life
I shall never let a woman in my life.