[Chorus]
I'm the merchant of menace, purveyor of pain
No quality or mercy is the name of my game
I get my pound of flesh with every stranglehold
With me all that glitters is definitely gold
My curtains are the ropes, my stages are the rings
The canvas is the scenery, the corners are the wings
The scripts are all identical, the lines are very few
I always play the leading man, and the leading lady too
You'll get it as you like it every time I hear the bell
I can be like Romeo, and Juliet as well
As for Antony and Cleo, I come somewhere in between
I'm what I would call, a Mid-Summer Night's Dream
[Chorus]
I'm a wrestler and an actor, pursuing two careers
I'm a brilliant thespian with cauliflower ears
My theaters are the noisy halls with benches made of wood
My audiences eat popcorn while screaming out for blood
When there are no more bones to break and no more ribs to crack
I bow to my admirers at the end of every act
I'm a gladiator who doesn't need a sword
I nominate myself for an Academy Award
[Chorus]