Elvis: There are cynics, there are skeptics There are legions of dispa**ionate dyspeptics Who regard this time of year as a maudlin insincere Cheezy cra** commercial travesty of all that we hold dear Stephen: When they think that Well, I can hear it But I pity them their lack of Christmas spirit For in a world like ours, take it from Stephen There are much worse things to believe in Elvis: A redeemer and a savior, an obese man giving toys for good behavior Stephen: The faith in what might be and the hope that we might see The answer to all sorrow in a box beneath the tree Find them foolish Elvis: Sentimental Stephen: Well you're clearly none too bright Both: so we'll be gentle Stephen: Don't even try to start vaguely conceiving Both: Of all much worse things to believe in Stephen: Believe in the judgment, believe in Jihad Believe in a thousand variations on a dark and spiteful god
Elvis: You've got your money, you've got your power You've got your science, and all the planets going to end within the hour Stephen: You've got your dreams that don't come true Elvis: You've got the ones that do Stephen: Then you've got your nothing Both: Some folks believe in nothing But if you believe in nothing Then what's to keep the nothing from coming for you Stephen: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year Now if you'll forgive me there's a lot to do here There are stockings still unhung Colored lights I haven't strung Elvis: And a one-man four-part Christmas carol waiting to be sung Stephen: Call me silly, call me sappy Call me many things, the first of which is happy You doubt, but you're sad I don't, but I'm glad Both: I guess we're even Stephen: At least that's what I believe in Both: And there are much worse things