[Intro]
A lot of people ask me
Where the f** I've been at the last few years
sh**, I don't know
But I do know, I'm back now
[Hook]
Here comes the rain and thunder now
Nowhere to run, to run to now
I disappeared, don't wonder how
Looking for me? I'm underground
[Verse 1]
Dre, I'm down here, under the ground, dig me up
Broken tibias, fibias, yeah, fix me up
60 s*uts, all of them dying from asphyxia
After they sip piss through a Christopher Reeves sippy cup
Dixie cups, toxins, boxes of Oxy pads
Enough Oxycontin to send a f**in' ox to rehab
Wack job in the back in a black stocking cap
Jacking off to a hockey mask at a boxing match
(He can't say that!) Yes he can
I just did, f*ggot, now guess again
Better text message your next-of-kin
Tell 'em sh**'s about to get extra messy, especially when
I flex again
And throw a f**in' lesbian
In wet cement
f*ggoty, f*ggoty, f*ggoty
Raggedy Ann and Andy
No! Raggedy Andy and Andy
No, it can't be, it can't be
Yes, it can be
The f**ing Anti-Christ is back, Dante
It's Satan in black satin panties
This is Amityville, calamity, goddamn it
Insanity, pills, fanny pack filled with Xannies
Through every nook and cranny
Lookin' for trannies
Milk and cookies spilled on my silk negligee, looky
Razor-ba-lades with me to make you ba-leed
Cases of Maybelline makeup lay on a table of weed
"Slim Shady?
sh** sounds like a fable to me"
'Til he jumps out of the f**in' toilet
When you're taking a pee
[Hook]
[Verse 2]
6 semen samples, 17 strands of hair
Found in the back of a van
After the shoot with Vanity Fair
Hannah Montana, prepare to elope with a can opener
And be cut open like cantaloupe on canopy beds
And Glad bags
Yeah, glad to be back
Cause last year was a tragedy
That landed me smack-dab in rehab
f**in' doctor, I ain't understand a damn word he said
I planned to relapse the second I walked out of that b**h
Two weeks in Brighton
I ain't enlightened
Biting into a f**in' Vicodin
Like I'm a Viking
Oh, lightning is striking
It might be a f**in' sign, I need a psychic
Evaluation
f** Jason
It's Friday the 19th
That means it's just a regular day (hah!)
And this is the kind of sh** I think of regularly
f**ing lesbian shouldn't have had her legs in the way
Now she's pregnant and gay
Missin' both legs and begging to stay
[Hook]
[Verse 3]
Tell the critics I'm back, and I'm comin'
To spit it back in abundance
Hit a f*g with onions
Then split a bag of Funyuns
Mad at me? Understandable
Cannibal, shoot an animal
Out of a cannon and have 'em catapult
At an adult
Captain of a cult
With an elite following
To turn Halloween back into a trick-or-treat holiday
Have Michael Myers lookin' like a liar
Swipe his powers
Replace his knife with flowers
And a stack of fliers
Hit Jason Vorhees
With a 40
Stuck a suppository
Up his a**, and made him tell me a story
Gave Hannibal Lector a f**in' nectarine
And sat him in the f**in' fruit and vegetable section
And gave him a lecture
Walked up Elm street with a f**ing Wiffle bat drew
Fought Freddy Krueger and Edward Scissorhands, too
And came out with a little scratch, ooh
Lookin' like I got in a f**in' pillow fight
With a triple-fat goose
Insanity
Can it be vanity?
Where's the humanity
In having a twisted fantasy
With an arm-and-leg amputee
Straitjacket
With a hundred and eight brackets
And a strap
That wraps twice around my back --
Then they latch it
Cut your f**ing head off
And ask you where you're headed off to
Get it? Headed off to?
Medic, this headache's awful
This anesthetic's pathetic
So's this diabetic waffle
And this prosthetic arm
Keeps crushing my hard taco
[Hook]
[Outro]
So, it wasn't a choice
It was "I had to do this"
And now I got 90 days clean
And uh, that's all I have to share
Thanks
(Thanks for sharing Brian
Is there anyone else who'd like to share this evening?)
Yeah I got something to share:
"When you walked through the door you were queer to me
So come here, baby boy, just come here to me
You're a co*k-boy, everybody wants you
You're gayer than you would ever claim to
I won't have to rape you
So homie, lay down down down, lay down down down
Lay down down down, lay down, lay down"
Where's everybody going?
This always went over real big in Gay-A
Ok wait, I got another one
"I just love condoms and lots of cum"
No?
Oh, sh**