[Verse 1]
I want to do something illegal, like
Doing something that ain't legal, like
Saying I'm a cop when really I am not
Or copping a feel on a girl who's really hot
Or dropping my drawers when I'm in a parking lot
Or stealing some cars and hoping I don't get caught
But if I'm caught, it won't bother me a bit
"But in prison there ain't no Waffle House, boy!" sh**
If I'm caught for doing something illegal, like
Dealing d** or stealing some dumb kid's bike
I'll call up my friend, tell him to meet me at the spot
He'll say "What time?" and I'll say "About 12 o'clock"
Never show up, but be sure to alert the cops
Sit back and relax as that dumb n***a gets caught
Well, maybe I framed him, yeah, maybe it's true
But I've got to stick with my Waffle Houze crew
[Verse 2]
I want to do something that ain't legal, like
Grab myself a brand new set of wheels
Bust open a window and hop on in
And drive away just to see how it feels
Stop off at a restaurant to grab some grub
Show a fine-a** woman a whole lot of love
Grab some baked ziti and a dry-a** martini
Run out cause I don't give a f**
Gonna terrorize the streets of my city
Grab me some a**, grab me some titty
Do as I please, cause I'mma do me
Go ahead all y'all, try and sue me
I'm like Teflon, man, nothing will stick
Take me to court? Nah, s** on my dick
I don't gotta subscribe to the laws of the land
I do what I want, cause I'm a Waffle Houze man
[Verse 3]
So what if I want to smoke a little bit of gra**?
Or slap my hand upside some girl's a**?
I want to challenge the mayor's son to a gentleman's duel
Maybe get wild and throw around my stool
I don't want to drink a latte, I want some f**ing moonshine
I'll go up in your car and jack your Alpine
Steal a 747, fly to Mexico City
One key of coke? Nah, how about fifty?
Then I'll ride back to the States on a bus
Open up on border patrol with a blunderbuss
With all my dirty dubs, I'mma buy a boat
Christen it with Crystal, name it U.S.S. Chode
Crash into a rock and let it explode
2.3 mil down the f**ing commode
Ask me if I care, cause b**h I don't
We won't go down, cause my dick can float