Peering underneath the hedge At my walkie-talkie on the ledge Of the open kitchen window frame Of the trusting Mrs. Paine She’s taken Russians in A wife and two small kids Marina, Rachel, June Their smirking daddy when there’s room And now I’m off to history And I got a front row seat My Secret Spy Decoder Ring Says, “Junior, follow me. Fate is filing up her plate, The paper route can wait.” I let the dailies stack un-thrown This mystery’s bigger than what’s known The petty events of this world Yellow on the drive Until Thursday night at five When “O.H. Lee” arrives I sneak out in camouflage And that night in the garage A naked bulb illuminates Sifting through the broken crates Butcher paper in his teeth The mousy ex-marine Lifts from a blanket roll A rifle with a scope I caught my breath As he clumsily drew the bolt action back He was staring down the barrel right at me Right at me! Chased across the road
I burst into the kitchen of the cop next door But he hardly looked up from his whisky neat, I shouted, “Come and see!” Break The cop said, “What’s that thing? Is that a Secret Spy Decoder Ring? Are those x-ray gla**es hanging from your ears? Don’t you fear. Your imagination’s wild I got a motorcade to ride in, in just a few hours You remind me of my daughter, God bless her soul Now, get on home…” The cop got on his motorbike Waved to the gunman at first light Walking out of Mrs. Paine’s front door Package underneath his arm “What you bringin’ to work’ Lee?” “Curtain rods,” he said and winked at me The morning paper hit the drive “TODAY THE PRESIDENT ARRIVES” Now, I’m off to misery A kid not to be believed My secret spy decoder ring Is wryly mocking me: “You could save his life If you were old enough to drive… If you were old enough to drive… If you were old enough to drive…” If I was old enough to drive…