Guy 1: Hello Christian internet. Welcome to our black metal weblog Det Satan Club.
Guy 2: Det Satan Club!
(Cue music)
Yaghhhhhhhhhh
Deep in the bowels of Norway
Where every church has third-degree burns
Det Satan Club presents
Pictures
Pictures
Pictures for Christians
(Music ends)
Guy 1: You Christians love to see pictures of your precious Jesus, suffering on the cross.
Guy 2: You love it
Guy 1: But we are Satanists. We desecrate what you love by creating images of Jesus in comfortable positions. Like
(Cue music)
Jesus in a bubble bath
Jesus in a bubble bath
Making suds and having fun
Jesus lounging poolside
Jesus in a chaise lounge
Sipping on delicious drinks
Jesus getting beauty rest
Jesus making sure he doesnt
End up getting crows feet
(Music ends)
Guy 1: Christians hate to see pictures of your Jesus so comfortable.
Guy 2: It makes you rigid with fear
Guy 1: If you saw Jesus inyoga pants, youre- f- youd- f- youd sh** yourself. You- your face would sh**.
Guy 2: Your face would sh**
Guy 1: Cause you fight us. You Christians love to fight. Especially with other religions.
Guy 2: You love fighting with them!
Guy 1: But we are Satanists. We desecrate what you love by creating images of a world where
(Cue music)
All religions get along
Christians and m**ms
Jews and the other ones
Riding tandem bicycles
Maybe at a sleepover
The Christians and m**ms will have
Slug wars in sleeping bags
Slug wars equal friendship
(End music)
Guy 1: We imagine a world where Christians and Jews and m**ms play Pictionary together. And not the way family members play where they are at each others throats, but the way strangers play where they are on their best behaviour.
Guy 2: Pictionary is fun without the family politics!
Guy 1: You Christians love imagining that the world will end when four horsemen arrive to signal the apocalypse.
Guy 2: So do we*pause*
(Cue music)
But the horsemen are cool dudes
Frosted tips and visors
Having fun on seadoos
Helping kids with homework
High-fiving people with self-esteem problems
While Satan watches thinking
(Music ends)
Satan: Yesthis pleases me.