No one thought he was right for you
but no one dare utter that out loud
when the preacher said, "speak now or forever hold your peace"
an uncomfortable silence fell over the crowd
Then we watched you try to make him happy
as the days and weeks and months and years rolled by
then one morning you woke up to find that he had left
and now you cry and you cry and you cry
Stop your sobbing he's an idiot
we never liked him and we never understood
why you fell for this stupid cretin
when you are so sweet and kind and good
Behind your back we are doing a happy dance (Happy Dance!)
we're thrilled we never have to see him anymore
be glad you are no longer tethered to
the world's biggest ingrate and bore
Now all you remember are the happy times
that the two of you supposedly shared
but all we remember is how hard you tried
to please him when the truth is
he barely cared
We watched you lose your zest for living
we're here to tell you, you can get it back
he's been an unhealthy addiction
think of him as potato chips dipped in chocolate and crack!
Stop your sobbing he's a heartless meanie
we never liked him and we never understood
why you fell for this witless weenie
when you are so smart so kind so good
Behind your back we are doing a happy dance (Happy Dance!"
we're thrilled we never have to see him anymore
be glad you are no longer beholden to
the world's biggest ingrate and bore
Was he as bad as we've made him out to be?
let's think about that . . . no, he was worse
but what a stroke of luck
you are no longer stuck
to the human equivalent of a spooky voodoo curse
Don't waste one more precious moment
on someone your friends are so sick of
look at what you had
a little good but a lotta bad
and where was the love? where was the love?
Welcome back to the land of the living
we missed you and are so glad you've returned
now's the time to let bygones be
hallelujah you are free
let's be grateful for all the lessons learned
Stop your sobbing he's a cheap right wing xenophobe
we never liked him and we never understood
why you fell for a mental snowglobe
when you are so decent and kind and good
Join us now in doing a happy dance (Happy Dance!)
we're thrilled we never have to see him anymore
be glad you are no longer married to
the world's biggest ingrate and bore
he's the world's bigest ingrate and bore!
Happy dance!