Spoken:
Folks, I want to tell you what a hard luck man I am
I was born in hard luck
I was born on the last month in the year
The last week in the month
The last day in the week
The last hour in the day
The last minute in the hour
And the last second in the minute
And to tell the truth about it, I liked not to got here at all
I had a job one time a-working in a grocery store
A lady came in and I asked what I could do for her
And she says: "What is your bu*ter today?"
I said: "Lady, my bu*ter is bu*ter today"
She said: "Well, I'm glad it is
That I got here yesterday was axle grease"
So the boss fired me. Oh, I'm hard luck
So I went on down the street and I got me another job
In a ladies' shoe store
That was a good job too
All I had to do when a lady came in to try on a pair of shoes
Was just to lace up her laces
But the boss fired me there. He said I got above my job
So I went on down the street and I got another job in a department store
One day a lady came in, and I asked her what could I do for her
She said: "I'd like to see your underwear, young man"
I told her: "You'll have to excuse me this time
I don't wear any. It's too hot"
The boss fired me there too. Oh, I'm hard luck. Ain't no doubt of that
Then I got another job, in a dry-goods store
One day a lady came in and wanted to buy a pair of hose
I asked her what size she wore
She said she forgot her number
And I told her I was sorry but we didn't have any dressing room to try 'em on in
So the boss came back there wantin' to know what the trouble was
And I told the boss about it. He said: "Well now, I'll tell you what to do:
All you young men clerks go back to the back end of the store
And let the lady go behind the counter and try her on a pair of hose
And the first one I catch of you looking, I gonna fire him right then"
Well, after I lost that job, I started to singing for a living
And now I'm gonna sing you all a little song entitled
"In Time of Trouble, Prepare for Walkin'"
Sung:
My bonnie bent over his gas tank
The height of its contents to see
He lighted a match to a**ist him
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
Bring back, bring back
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me