When I think of Elizabeth Taylor
And many's the times I do
I think what that poor kid puts up with
And it tears my heart in two
She's out every night in a swa*k cabaret
Gets breakfast in bed on a solid gold tray
I hear that she earns seven thousand a day
"What kind of life is that"?
She gets what she wants irregardless* of price
Yeah, "Did you see her ring, that was some chunk of ice?"
Why, she has thirty minks that she's never worn twice
"What kind of life is that"?
What kind of life, what kind of life, what kind of life is that?
Facing snakes and other dangers
Making love to perfect strangers
I read in the news she buys booze by the vat
Now, "What kind of life is that"?
Poor Liz, poor Liz
Does she know what it means to make a pot roast last a week
To wrap a towel around a pipe in case it springs a leak
Does she know what it means to get down on her hands and knees
To wash her kid's pajamas or her old man's BVDs?
These simple pleasures don't delight her
She's too busy with la dolce viter*
Wherever she goes something thrilling occurs
She goes out to dine and the restaurant stirs
She's had twenty husbands, yeah, "Five of them hers!"
"What kind of life is that"?
I'm sure Liz must think things look dandy so far
But will she, like poor Sybil*, one day wear a scar
Will she wind up too with a rock-and-roll star
"What kind of life is that"?
What kind of life, what kind of life, what kind of life is that?
At MGM they silver-spooned her
I think 'National Velvet'* ruined her
I pay for a house what she pays for hat
"What kind of life is that"?
They packed up the crew at the Fox Studio
They headed for Egypt, but Na**er* said, "No"
They wouldn't let her in, she's Jewish, you know
"What kind of life is that"?
So for all of her glamour and her whoop-tee-doo
And her house in the best neighborhood
Would you take that lousy life if it was offered to you
You can bet Cleopatra's asp, you would!
/////////////// NOTES ///////////////
1. "irregardless" - grammatically incorrect, but it is the actual word used. Substitute "irrespective" if you're a purist.
2. la dolce viter - a play on words on "la dolce vita" (Italian for, "the sweet life") in order to rhyme with the preceding line.
3. Sybil - Sybil Dorsett. Famous for having multiple personalities.
4. National Velvet - The 1944 film that skyrocketed Elizabeth Taylor to stardom at age 12.
5. Na**er - Gamal Abdul Na**er, president of Egypt 1956 - 1970.