JASON: Hey Melanie!
MELANIE: Hey Jason! I didn't know you were back in LA
JASON: Yeah. You won't believe what I saw on my trip
MELANIE: Let me guess. In Portland
JASON: Yeah, but...here. Follow me. You remember the 90's when everyone was pickling their own vegetables and brewing their own beer? People were growing out their muttonchops and waxing their handlebar mustaches?
MELANIE: The 90's?
JASON: Yeah. Everyone was knitting and sewing clothes for their children. People were wearing gla**es all the time like contact lenses had never been invented
MELANIE: Wait. Are we talking about the 1990's?
JASON: No. The 1890's
[Hook]
The Dream of the 90's is alive in Portland
It's the dream of the 1890's in Portland
(Micro-brew or die)
JASON: Remember when kids grew up to be artisan bakers? Everyone had homemade haircuts and guys shaved with straight razors?
MELANIE: I mean I don't remember, I wasn't born. But yeah, I read about it
JASON: Belts didn't really exist yet, everyone wore suspenders. Everyone used to carve their own ice cubes
MELANIE: I thought that died out 120 years ago!
JASON: Not in Portland
[Hook]
It's the Dream of the 1890's in Portland
(My mustache curls are nice)
JASON: Remember in the 1890's when the economy was in a tailspin? Unwashed young men roamed the streets looking for work? And people turned their backs on huge corporate monopolies and supported local businesses?
MELANIE: I thought we had to support corporations, I thought they were too big to fail
JASON: Well in Portland, people raise their own chickens and cure their own meats!
[Hook]
The turn of the century is alive in Portland
(Welcome to the sausage party)
The skinniest strongman is alive in Portland
MELANIE: So from what you're saying it's like President McKinley was never a**a**inated. It's as if the 20th century never happened!
JASON: Exactly!
MELANIE: People took street cars. They rode inconvenient gearless bicycles that hurt your back!
JASON: Yeah!
[Bridge]
It's a long way back
And this horrid world has gone off that track
But you can escape it all in Portland
A dandy hobo has a home in Portland
It's the Dream of the 1890's in Portland
(Melanie enters dancing decked out in 20's fashion)
MELANIE: Hey!
JASON: Hi. What are you doing?
MELANIE: The Charleston
JASON: Stop for a second. It's the right idea but you're kinda, maybe a little too 1920's
MELANIE: Oh...
JASON: (Props a derby hat on Melanie's head) There we go. Give you one of these. (hastily gives Melanie an anchor tattoo on her arm) Much better. Welcome to Portland
MELANIE: Thank you
[Outro/Hook]
It's the Dream of the 1890's in Portland