John McCain:
My friends, it's obvious that the Republican Party is not happy with the current field of Presidential candidates, so I've been going door to door and asking people this one simple question: 'Do I live here?' It's also clear that most people don't want Mitt Romney, so I have decided to throw my hat in the ring, and this time I am going to win, because this time I will not pick a vice president with a lack of experience or a pregnant daughter. So please welcome my running mate, Bob Dole! There he is, yep
Dole:
Well, a lot of people say Bob Dole is too old to run for Vice President. They say that Bob Dole's memory is not what it used to be. They say that Bob Dole's memory is not what it used to be. Sure, I used to have a hearing problem, but now that I have this new hearing aid my hearing is better than ever
McCain:
What time is it?
Dole:
Oh, about 8:30
McCain: Just leave those fresh faces on the shelf
Dole: You want experience in two-ought-twelve
McCain: And two past candidates have broken the mold
Both: McCain and old time Robert Dole
McCain: I served America in Vietnam
Dole: I look as though I might have been embalmed
McCain: If you're annoyed by guys with bladder control
Both: You'll like this old time Robert Dole
Dole: We don't waste any time with Facebook now
McCain: Don't tweet out underwear, we don't know how
Dole: Can't figure out my new remote control
Both: McCain and old time Robert Dole
McCain: I know we'll win it in all 13 states
Dole: I need Viagra just to stand up straight
McCain: Who won't believe that there's an ozone hole
Both: McCain and old time Robert Dole
McCain: Call us old relics, call us what you will
Dole: But when they're fighting up at Capitol Hill
McCain: Who's not afraid to yell
Dole: "Shut your pie hole"
Both: McCain and old time Robert Dole
McCain: His inexperience we're gonna mock
Dole: 'Cause we got underwear
Both: Old as Barack!