An anonymous model checks her calls
Over the strains of cheesy synth-pop
Her agent tells her
She's got the cover of Cosmos!
Just needs a tan
And she'll be cream of the crop
She disrobes and hops in the tanning bed
There's a lurking air of sublimated dread
She screams and writhes
As she bursts into flames
Precluding a tale so
Brainless and deranged!
Welcome you losers
To Rhonda's Workout!
A den of busty big-haired '80s s*uts
Prepare to get a REAL k**er workout!
While chicks in spandex
Thrust their well-toned bu*ts
The blonde chick Jaimy
Arrives late for work
Jimmy tries to grab her tits
Cuz he's a creepy jerk
Rhonda chews out Jaimy
Because she's always late
Jaimy appeases her with a dinner date
Rachel stays late to take a shower
Someone's lurking with a giant safety pin
The prowler attacks
Stabs at Rachel's neck
Her jugular is pierced and the
Bloodshed begins!
Lt. Morgan, the moronic cop
Is out to get the k**ings stopped
Some blonde meathead
"Dawnson" an undercover PI
His dumb tapered haircut
Made me laugh til i cried!
The body count continues to mount
Blood-spewing veins
Is Jimmy to blame?
Retarded fight scenes
Make me f*cking guffaw
Acting and editing
In a realm beyond awful