[Verse 1]
Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell, ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
Then I saw that there Cantina
I'll go in for an Orangia
I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?
Well I walked through the door and the music stopped dead
All manner of man and beast were staring at me
Seems just one week before
Their Twi-Lex slave girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the next-best thing they'd seen
[Chorus]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man
[Verse 2]
Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
My an*s he destroyed, and now I got me hemorrhoids
They had to wrench him off my nuts with a Gaffi bar
I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo
I'd have never guessed that pirate was a h*mo
I woke up next to Chewbacca I was smeared in Wookie caca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no
[Chorus]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man
[Verse 3]
Old Salacious Crumb's so small ya can't detect him
Before I knew it he shoved himself straight in my rectum
And then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my an*s
Now I got an an*l car alarm and I can't disconnect 'em
Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that s**er 'till it wasn't so teenie
He took me into Jabba's hut, He stared intently at my bu*t
And he oo-ta-too-ta'd me with his zucchini
[Chorus]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man
Take it away boys!
[Verse 4]
Well a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you"
I said, "sorry"
He said "I don't like ya neither ya better watch yourself"
(I think his name was Tom Waits)
And then some old dude who taught Vader chopped his arm off with a saber
But later made for one red hot an*l invader
I was broken on the floor beat to a stuper
But then I was saved! There at the door were ten Stormtroopers
But then my hope faded away. I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns stormtrooping me in the pooper
[Chorus]
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
Which is why I still go there every week