You'd already been half an hour with pre-clubbing shower
And I'd always planned to have a look in your special winnie the pooh book
The place was marked and it was there in blue and white -
It said simply, "paul stayed last night"
Next I was on the bog
And you got down on one knee
You were protesting your innocence
And you started to cry as I started to pee
You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen
He might as well be a girl
He's a good for a laugh and he's good for b**hin"
You said you'd never be willing or able
And he looks like he was made on a f**ing table
Although, to be fair, I think he hides the bolts quite well
But as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell
I had just a**umed you'd completely gone off shagging
And I can you seen you with your new uni pals, standing bragging
Now he's your boyfriend and I know you were talking sh**e
But you still deny it when I met you at someone's birthday party the other night
You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen
It's just like one of the girls
We have a good laugh when we're sitting b**hin'"
The words that you used to think turned me on just made me laugh -
"do you want to s** my c*nt?" in real life just sounds naff
And when we were with your friends I just as well might of been no one
And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one