I wanted him to say
"I know you've been scared of love and what it did to you."
I am a bludgeoned, dark, vindictive thing
Covered in feathers and bleeding
I am allowed resentment
Only when it's gentle
My anger is a handkerchief
Waving goodbye from a train
And what if I wanted to stay
Even if it hurts me?
Won't you tell me you love me
Even if it's a lie?
I'm willing to believe
There's a version of you that ends up with me
With a 9 to 5 job and unopened bills
Lying forgotten on the countertop
I will allow myself grief
And hope I come back empty handed
Possession was a victory
I give up on being owned
All those big black bears
They're just little dogs, really
Once you get to know them
Growling about death but not meaning it
And I meant it when I said I would stay
Even though it hurts me
When you tell me you love me
And I know it's a lie
I'm willing to believe
That if I could fix everything wrong with me
Not as bold as I'd hoped
It would never be enough
Would it be different
If I fell at your feet
And begged to you, please
Please don't leave me?
If everything that happens
Is from now on
Would it be so wrong?
Even if it's a lie?