It's Nine O'clock on a Saturday
And I'm pissed off and going to bed
I had planned for a nice TV dinner
Now I'm ready to slice off my head
'Cos my telly has eight hundred channels
And every damn one is the same
Each program I flick to now stars the same prick
And the punchline is based on his name
Oh da da da di dee da
Da da di dee da, da dum
Why don't you f** off John Barrowman?
You ruin our Saturday night
'Cos no-one likes Torchwood or Dancing On Ice
Maria or the Kids are alright