[Verse:]
I should be dead, maybe I got nine lives?
Seven left cause I've already died twice
I'm glad it wasn't bye-bye
Because it's my time to do it without the high-life
What I'm making is really dope
But I needa talk about some sh** that happened a year ago
Hold up, let me clear my throat
Yo I'm about to get deep but I really hope you feel it though
See talking 'bout it hurts
Since when I was an addict but I was at my worst
No-one knew, I didn't tell one person
Couldn't bring myself to do it cause I felt like a burden
Give me any drug, I was chewing 'em up
If I have nine lives then I'm using 'em up
No-one knew my addiction, it was stupid as f**
Ninety pills daily of Nurofen Plus
I know that's extreme and I should be dead right
But I was so f**ed up my tolerance was that high
That's the thing with the codeine addiction
It's over the counter so you don't need prescriptions
That's three packets in a day
I didn't get high but I would have 'em anyway
Cause if I didn't take 'em then I'd be hitting withdraws
And guess what? All of this was mid-tour
And I can't play in this form
Having sh** thoughts like I got nothing to live for
I was a zombie, I couldn't feel nothin'
I smashed four packets cause I just wanted to feel something
Yo, I overdosed for sure
I was at the venue, I was going to perform
I can't remember, see I was told in the report
My tour manager found me convulsing on the floor
Everyone surrounding, no one knowing what it's for
Literally no one knew that I was going through it all
I f**ed up, I should be knowing this before
I'm a f**ing junkie, how am I going on a tour?
I let down my fans and I owe it to them all
That's why I'm being honest and so open with it all
It's so hard no one knowing what is wrong
I can't talk about it so I wrote it in this song
Woke up in hospital going through withdrawals
Someone guarding my bed but nobody would talk
No phone there, nobody to call
Saying "what the f** is going on?" and no one would inform me
And I'm not knowing whats it's for
Tubes everywhere, if only I could walk
A man approaches "am I alright doc?"
Then he tells me I'm on suicide watch
I'm a danger to myself, I wouldn't be leaving
I didn't try k** myself but they wouldn't believe me
I spent a month in a hospital bed
Living in a nightmare and I just wanted to end
I'm thinking to myself have I got any friends?
Or friends who don't use, have I got any left?
There's many times where I'd want to be dead
But we've lost too many and I don't want to be next
Now I'm happy that I got me some rest
I know for sure now that I don't want it again
The harder I hit the gym then the stronger I get
The more the devil on my shoulder hasn't got any strength
I let my fans and my family down
The people standing by me are like family now
Yo I'm sorry to anyone who's a fan of me
I understand if you wanted to abandon me
But if it wasn't for my family
I would've tied the knot on the rope the devil handed me
I gotta show ma' father and my mum love
And let 'em know that it's not them that f**ed up
Now you got a quality son
If I say I'm gonna do it then the job'll get done
I embrace any pain, now I'm not gonna run
The gym's a new addiction but a positive one
The battle with addiction's a battle on its own
The worst part is that I tried battle it alone
So if your hearing this and your battling at home
Tell somebody because your family should know
I'm loving life now, I'm getting it back
If I can do this sh** f**ing anyone can
I can't remember cause I blacked out
But I wouldn't change a thing cause it made me who I am now
[Outro:]
Bless up
I'm back
This time I'm not gonna f** off, I'm not gonna f** up
I'm a different person
I'm not just saying that
I'm f**ing loving life at the moment and I'm
Very grateful cause I should be f**ing dead
And that's the truth
Thanks to anyone who's supported me lately
It's been insane, all the emails
All the DMs on Instagram, everything
Much love