What's a house if it's not a home?
What's a family if you're all alone?
Shattered f**ing heart call it broken bone
Spend my days stuck at home getting stoned
Never answered when you called my phone
You called my a** on Christmas
Happiness the only damn thing on my wish list
But f** it I'm just a misfit
Said you cared and it sounded like you meant it
But I had built a wall up inside so i decided to dismiss it
Because I ain't ever had a father
Don't tell me that you love me when you left your wife, son, and daughter
Called your f**ing phone but you couldn't be bothered
I raised my f**ing self cuz you were never there teach me
6 years later you tryna reach me
Calling my phone but I'd never answer
Mom called my phone and said you just died of cancer
That's when it hit me
Locked myself in my room slit my skin and felt sh**ty
What if you really did f**ing miss me
All these questions that can never be answered all this pain could have been prevented if I had the guts to f**ing answer
If I did pick up the phone what would you say?
What could I say?
I'd prolly be too damn scared to even say "Hey."
I think about joining you every single day
I'm tired of all this pain I just want to grab the blade
Slit my wrists again til my soul slips away
Dad I never knew you yet you expected me to love you?
I guess I just didn't trust you
But it all stays the same
Same pain as yesterday
Isolated castaway
I say it stays the same
But I ain't been the same since you pa**ed away
Heart turned to stone just a ba*tard speaking blasphemy
I'm an outcast even the f**ing devil fleeing me
If you ever need to find me look inside and there I'll be
Look at the real this world is cold
People seeking money and some fame
Spreading hate n***as acting bold
And this writing sh** it's getting old
Tryna heal myself with these words but these words be what hurts the most
Seems like the more I climb these hills get steeper
Still tryna find myself I'm just tryna dig deeper
What's the f**ing point I just wanna pop these pills become a sleeper
We all hurt each other
It's just a trait of the human race
Running from this pain just to find that I'm lost in place
Love seems to come to hate
It's getting hard concentrate
Should I die? Should I live? these the things I contemplate
Darkest times and some darker days
Voices in my head convincing me I have no fate
Stare into the mirror and my self esteem breaks
Insecurities securing me smothering me
Thoughts just stuck to me
b**hes f**ing me
But few made love to me
And a few in love with me
They f**ing crazy just for trusting me
Act like I don't like ion know em
Cuz I can't get attached cuz I know that I'll hurt em
Never say I love them cuz I know I'll just desert em
I really don't deserve em
But sh** I can't complain I still feel the same
Everyone hating on me now even Aunt Betty
This sh** called life ion think I'm ready
Can't steer myself steady
All I think about now is blowing my head open just to spread the confetti
9 to my dome spewing brain spaghetti
Speaking of my brain I've said enough to know I'm still insane
I let a little out but it's time to close the door to my brain
And express my pain on the next day it rains
Next day it rains