American Dad - Trapped in the Locker lyrics

3:30 in the afternoon I should be doing my homework, inside my own room But, bad luck got me messed up I'm in the locker room and now im stuck Guess I'm a goner now See, I was walking Snot was talking, I remembered something I forgot to grab my wallet because I was rushin Then he said Im finnin go my grandma's house I shrugged and I turned around, back to the school but then who did I found (Murtz) Oh no, this not who I want to see Was running ‘til I saw an opening And now the whole soccer team's bound to freak She's approaching the locker They're done practicing soccer She's opening the locker Wish there was some way to block her So, these girls pull me out of the locker talking bout what the hell you doing up in here? Im like, hold up b*tch, you need to lower your voice ‘til I make myself clear She's like, woah who you calling a b*tch? I'm like you She like who? I'm like you b*itch, wait hold up let me explain all the sh** I've been going through Now let's start over, my name's Steve, it's nice to meet you ladies Cut that bull crap Steve, we know that you've been acting shady So listen close, ‘cause this what we are gonna do When someone is creeping we call in Jewel Not Jewel! Yes Jewel Oh no! Jewel looks like a grown a** man Fourteen years old, at least 250 pounds She's coming at me and this is where things start to get foolish The roof caved in, on top of her, oh my God, it's Lewis! 3:47, in Principal Lewis' room This fool is having a panic attack, I hope this is over soon He was talking about, budget cuts, no pest control for months I wasn't perving or looking at bu*ts I was in the A.C., hunting for rats I swear to God Man, that's your business, not my business, I don't need no update I got a new woman so we need to get our stories straight We? What the f*ck you talking ‘bout man? There's no we Steve, if my new woman here about this, she gonna leave Wait, what the heck was that? Sounded like a rat Then he pulled out a Jericho nine millimeter, started busting And just when I thought it couldn't get more scary When he opened the door, the rat turned out to be secretary Mary So I'm, speeding down the street reaching for my phone about to have a fit I'm calling the one dude who can help me out of this mess B'ring! Come on Snot, I need you (b'ring) to pick up the damn phone right now And the next part's so jacked up that it hurts! The dude that picked up wasn't Snot, it was Murtz! Im tripping, what the heck is going on? Maybe I called the wrong number and got the wrong phone But, the doors are open, smells like potpourri I walk in and what do I see? Snot and Murtz playing Risk! Im betrayed, my favorite game you're playing with this bully What? Now you're all close? Wait- You're drinking milk and cookies?! Snot was like, listen- No no, no no noooo I can explain Well then, go ahead and explain yourself Then Murtz jumped up, said I'll explain so that you two will cool it See his dad died and my dad died and Risk in therapeutic I was like, Amen Snot was like, Amen to that, I love Risk I love Risk too Damn, you all bonded over Risk, that's beautif- Principal Lewis kicked in the door Waving a .44, talking ‘bout don't speak, don't move no more But Snot's mom came in and said Lewis baby put down that gun and unco*k it And that's when we noticed, they was wearing the very same locket (locket) Now we all on the floor feelin clueless It's hard to believe that Snot's mom was banging Lewis Then Lewis says, it's been a hell of a day, I'm glad this whole thing is out Wait, why you wearing a negligee? How you even know that you was fittin to see me? And whose clothes are those thrown over the TV? And Snot's mom was like, but-but-but-but-but-but stuttering all over the place And Lewis said, girl unless you got Parkinson's start talking straight Baby is everything okay? Wait, hold up. I know this ain't the dude that's the reason for the cabaret lingerie Then Lewis starts waving his gun around and busting shots off in the closet Then Greg fell out, cried Avery how could you be so dishonest? Snot's mom screamed Now, Greg's pager's flashing blue, he says my bae's got a clue Next thing his man is in the room Seven minutes later, twelve adults with they guns out Talking about you f*cked her and I f*cked him while they all scream and shout Then, Principal Lewis started laughing Just sitting there, giggling to himself just laughing He said, well now that we've all made the connection I hope everybody was using protection And they all started laughing because of course nobody had Snot's mom, Greg and Stelio and this new couple Gina and Chad They was all just laughing Just giggling and laughing And we snuck out while they was laughing